i dont know what to do.

well we got the test results back today. they weren't normal. our baby boy has a serious disease called trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is uncompatible with life. Our baby boy isn't gonna make. on top of i have too much amniotic fluid and if i try to carry him to term i will die. so were inducing labor this friday so we can get a chance to welcome our baby boy and tell him we love him and say goodbye.

It's a BOY!!

28 weeks


a few days ago we found out it's a boy. were really excited. they found a few things wrong but they're fixable so no worries. i have a amniocenstisis this week to test him to make sure everything is ok. i'll keep the blogs coming.

Total shock

well i finally got in to see a doctor today. im gonna go with midwives. i really like the care im getting. i have an ultrasound soon to get measurements and stuff cause im measuring big. so i'll keep everyone informed.

why?? why so soon??

why does life have to be so hard. you think you have your life under control and then it's instantly changed. it seems like just yesterday i was sitting at the end of my mom's bed begging her to let me go outside before i did my homework. and now im begging for her to come back to me. it's hard to live a normal life when the one person who loved you unconditionally from birth is suddenly gone. i have no one who really knows me anymore. who would throw me a baby shower in another state and pay for me to come there just so she could see her baby girl pregnant with her first baby. who else will fly across the states to see her only daughter go through labor for the first time and be there for any and everything she asks. deal with her dumb mistakes she made as a teenager and still love her inside and out. what mother would send thier child away in hopes that she would learn how to deal with life instead of take it out on herself? my mom did. she loved me when i was dumb. she loved me when i was sick. when i left to go to school she supported me all the way and was so proud of me. and im glad and blessed that i was able to be there for her in her last month the way she needed me. and take care of her the way she took care of me. i only wish i had longer to say goodbye. i feel as if she was taken away too soon. i still wake up and hear her laugh. or see her face when she first held my baby. it was amazing and im glad she got to see me go through things that she helped me get past. i know she looks down on me everyday and helps me through things still. i'll always love my mom. and she will be missed by alot of people. she touched alot of peoples lives and i can't wait to see her again. i love you mom.

walking pic as promised!!!

october 22nd.

oct. 22nd is when we find out the gender of new baby. im so excited. just had to share that.

she's walking!!!

Natonya has been walking for about a week now. Everyday she gets better and better. all day today she's been standing up on furniture then taking steps off of that. its been crazy to watch. its like yesterday she was being propped up on a pillow so i could take christmas pictures of her. but she was moving too fast to catch a good picture. but i'll post it in the morning cause my phone just died haha. love you all.