Things just come to mind.

hello. thought i would just write a little of what im thinking. im just at a loss for everything. i dont want to do anything. i miss my mom. last year on this day i was in california with my mom, hanging out at her office with my new baby, laughing with her. but this year im sitting at home in the dark on the computer with my now toddler taking a nap. life is unfair and disappointing. i just wish i had the chance to go back to this day last year and really sit down and talk with my mom. i appreciate the time i had with her. i just wish i had more. it all came and went by so fast. i still cant believe im here without her. some days i dont wanna be here without her but i know i need to be here for my baby girl and my hunny. i know that my mom and my baby boy are taking good care of each other until i can be with them. so yeah

Just in...

well this weekend went by fast. i love my weekends. Kory is home and me and Natonya enjoy it. We need to start doing more things as a family though. since Natonya is older now we can go more places. so yeah that's my next plan. also im on a mission to lose weight by my birthday so im trying to keep motivated. gotta drop this baby/marriage weight. havent been able to lose it so now is my chance. i have no reason not to. if you have the link to my myspace you'll see my progress, i added a weight loss tracker. so far im down 21 lbs. big success. well love to all im outty like a belly button. peace.


btw i got a new hair do so yeah pretty pretty...

R.I.P Evan Max Day

I was induced friday jan 2nd 8 pm and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy sunday jan. 4th 2009 at 1:46am. On January 4th Evan Max Day was born into heaven. We miss and love him so much. He was laid to rest jan 11th in moab utah. thank you to those of you who have been praying for my family. i really appreciate it. were just taking things one day at a time and loving on our little girl. We have learned so much from our baby boy from the moment we found we were pregnant he has helped us learn so much about ourselves and life. We decided to choose a meaningfull name for our son when we came across Evan, it means young fighter. He has been a fighter from the begining to the end. Rest in Peace son mommy and daddy love you so much. Until we see each other again in heaven. I love you!!

i dont know what to do.

well we got the test results back today. they weren't normal. our baby boy has a serious disease called trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is uncompatible with life. Our baby boy isn't gonna make. on top of i have too much amniotic fluid and if i try to carry him to term i will die. so were inducing labor this friday so we can get a chance to welcome our baby boy and tell him we love him and say goodbye.

It's a BOY!!

28 weeks


a few days ago we found out it's a boy. were really excited. they found a few things wrong but they're fixable so no worries. i have a amniocenstisis this week to test him to make sure everything is ok. i'll keep the blogs coming.

Total shock

well i finally got in to see a doctor today. im gonna go with midwives. i really like the care im getting. i have an ultrasound soon to get measurements and stuff cause im measuring big. so i'll keep everyone informed.

why?? why so soon??

why does life have to be so hard. you think you have your life under control and then it's instantly changed. it seems like just yesterday i was sitting at the end of my mom's bed begging her to let me go outside before i did my homework. and now im begging for her to come back to me. it's hard to live a normal life when the one person who loved you unconditionally from birth is suddenly gone. i have no one who really knows me anymore. who would throw me a baby shower in another state and pay for me to come there just so she could see her baby girl pregnant with her first baby. who else will fly across the states to see her only daughter go through labor for the first time and be there for any and everything she asks. deal with her dumb mistakes she made as a teenager and still love her inside and out. what mother would send thier child away in hopes that she would learn how to deal with life instead of take it out on herself? my mom did. she loved me when i was dumb. she loved me when i was sick. when i left to go to school she supported me all the way and was so proud of me. and im glad and blessed that i was able to be there for her in her last month the way she needed me. and take care of her the way she took care of me. i only wish i had longer to say goodbye. i feel as if she was taken away too soon. i still wake up and hear her laugh. or see her face when she first held my baby. it was amazing and im glad she got to see me go through things that she helped me get past. i know she looks down on me everyday and helps me through things still. i'll always love my mom. and she will be missed by alot of people. she touched alot of peoples lives and i can't wait to see her again. i love you mom.